”diary of a broken heart”,

this was my planned title for a diary-of-sorts that i wanted to write when i was brokenhearted once. i thought to myself, what if isulat ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko araw araw sa loob ng isang buong taon, then i’d be able to read it when i am healed, and see my journey from a new point of view, from denial to anger to bitterness to hope to healing (or whatever jumbled order you’ve experienced in your own love life) and maybe, it might be able to help future broken hearts out there.

but, i never got to writing it.

siguro dahil sa sobrang sakit, kapag naiisip kong magsulat, nananalo na lang yung kagustuhan kong magmukmok sa isang tabi. imbis na mag-effort pa ako na mag-isip at magpagod, ginusto ko na lang na wala na lang akong intindihin. hanggang sa lumipas ang mga linggo, mga buwan, i went through all kinds of emotions (na slightly nakakabaliw talaga yung iba ha!), until one day, i was okay.

having said all that, and having heard some of the most saddening break-up stories the past weeks, allow me to try to reconstruct a few of the things i’ve learned in life, and love, that might help that broken heart of yours or of someone you know.

1. on advice.

kapag brokenhearted ka.. no advice said to you will make you feel better. none. as in. wala. kahit ano, walang effect. kapag brokenhearted ka, the only thing that you think will make you feel better is if the one you love will say they love you too. but they won’t. (in some cases, they won’t ever, but in some, they won’t just for this point in time.) hugs will comfort you, concerned texts will make you smile, but no amount of advice will make you feel better.. unless! unless you decide to let it make you feel better. don’t be pressured though to follow everyone’s advice. kanya-kanya lang yan. of the one hundred cliché lines thrown at you at an attempt to make you feel better, most will not make you feel better (in fact, some will make you feel worse), but there will be a few major lines (not necessarily given by those closest to you, mind you) that will speak to you and touch your heart and soothe your soul. those pieces of advice, you hold on to.

2. on prayer.

a broken heart will wake up some days so unbelievably hopeless and wanting to just stay in bed all day. some will even go all out in saying they want to die (but of course you don’t really want to die, right?) a broken heart will wake up some days feeling somewhat rested and peaceful, but with a slight fear that they might encounter something that day that will bring back all the pain. whatever mood the broken heart wakes up in, one thing remains. it’s a broken heart. and this may sound cheesy or false to some, but there is only one thing that can heal all things broken. our LoRd and personal savior, JeSus ChRisT. when your heart is peaceful, give thanks. when your heart is troubled, still give thanks and ask for deliverance. when your heart is shattered into a million pieces, still give thanks, and ask that you may learn whatever life lesson it is that He wants you to learn. in both high and low, give thanks, because it is one of the surest things in life that GoD only works for the good of those who love Him.

3. on moving on.

don’t be pressured! for some it takes weeks. for some, months. for some, years! of course no one likes the pain that a broken heart brings. (its pain like no other! araaay talaga grabe!) but, you have to go through it. there is no short cut, there is no other way. go through it. go and let it out. cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, cry in the bathroom, cry to your friends. lock yourself in the room, stay in bed all day, don’t talk to anyone for hours, make senti all you want. do it all. don’t let anybody stop you. (but don’t let it get in the way of school or work or the things you have to do either! okay? okay.) feel all those yucky, disgusting, heart-shattering feelings, curl it all up into this unbelievably sad ball, and one day, when you are ready, throw it out the window. it will happen for you. i know you feel it won’t, that the day you will be okay will never come, but it will. have faith, it will.

let me stop at this third point and end by saying that i’ve felt all those feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that you might be feeling right now. and, honestly, so have thousands, and millions of other people around you. it sucks. it really does. but hey. nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you have to do it alone.

all this i share with pure sincerity from the bottom of my happy heart, to your soon-to-be happy heart! :)

lintec.. :I

hi dr.. weew.. tgal q atang d nbuksan to.!

lintec n dsl kc ngma2bagal.!!!

hha.. nwei slamat mdyo ok..!

aq nmn ndi ok..! knkbahan aq s history q eh.. aw.!

bhla naaaa..

bsta! kc nmn eh..

an dami q ng gutoooom.. wla png pudz! :)

aai aalis pla km pa2check-up dadi qo.! :/

_rem & jola kalma ln keo ah wla p ung pngupload eh..

mauupload q dn un.! :(

i loathe it..

i miz dm.. :'c

im into cumbersomeness!!.

...

Add Glitter to Pictures

if a man wants you..??

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
(Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies.....You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them..

JULY 26 - hAppy biRthdAy.. IRISH SEGUIS

exhilarating day!.

hai zwakaz tpos n dn an examz.. yn an mkha pgktpos ng pghihirap.. tgal qng ndi nkpgbukas ah.. grbe dinugo km s anatomy at niponggo.. ;0 the killer subject!!!

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bkt kya my mga taong wlng mgwa kundi mnira noh.. asar!. my friend km?? ehem friend nga b??
aun.. pngaawai nia km nung isa q png friend.. kl nia ata ndi mgka2bukuhan.. duuuh!. adik tlg un.. kl p nmn nmen ngbago n xa un pl puro ksamaan prn lman ng utak nia.. ;o kwa2ng bata.. :/ nka2inis tlg ung gnwa nia pniwalang pnwla p km nung friend q don s isng un.. hmf.. an baaad!.

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khpon ngpnta km s lamay.. nmatay xe ung ex ng ex qo.. ehem.. aun kwa2 nmn.. nmatay xa nung nanganak xa excuz ln.. xe lumabas ung matres nia s panga2nak.. ;0 an kyut2 p nung baby nia.. kmkhang kmkha ng mami nia.. un nga ln ndi n cl mgki2ta.. ;0

---

nd by d way.. hAppy birthdAy tO.. :)

JULY 01--- JuliE aNne dEramAs..

JULY 17 --- gEnEve..

absurdity..

bkt kya my mga taong qng ano2 gngwa s buhay noh?? haii.. god blez u girl.. :)

peculiar dream.. lol!

an weird tlg nung dream qo bt gnun.. hahaha.. ta2wa tlga qo.. pt c arnold schwarzenegger at ben affleck npnginipan qo.. ahehi.. msta nmn kya un!. lol.. an kuleeeet!.. aun.. xe nanood aq kgb ng jersey girl (a sentimental love story about an emotionally devastated man who must find the right way to love his young daughter.).. an gnda.. d q ln tlg alm qng pnu npad2 c arnold dun eh.. lol.. aun.. 3 tymz q n ata npnood un.. =) an gwafuu ni ben affleck no.. =) pt c liv tyler.. an pretty..hai.. gnda tlg.. =)

+tagline:forget about who you thought you were, and just accept who you are.!

new coiffure.. means NEW LIFE..

hayoooooooooOo..

tgal q ndi nkpgonline.. huwaaaaaw.. super aral xe km.. :) aun.. 3 days aqng late muuwi.. ehem.. kzma q familiaa qo.. yn wl kc kmng picture eh.. mdyo onti ln.. haha..

an iksi n ng buhok q no.. klangn yn pr mkmuv on.. :) aun.. waaaah.. 5 dayz ago n.. nweiz.. aun nung thursday.. ngpnta km s hauz ng friend nmn.. super inom cl.. inubos q lng ung pgkain.. db baiiit.. wl ln.. an korni ng pngyayari.. npaizip 2loi aq.. aun awa ng diyos ndi nmn.. :) tpos kinabukasan npad2 nmn km country style s my gateway.. nk2gutom nmn kc noh.. tpos knina s hauz nl chino.. ai nko dmi q naala2 dun s taong un.. frnd kxe xa ng x qo.. haha kmkha p nia.. tpozzzzz.. ala ln.. kaaning.. :)

+++

"ul only know what u have tl d moment itz GONE"

konbanwa.. wakarimasu ka

aaaaaaawww.. super k2pgod pmxok.. :o pro naeexcite prn aq pmxok arw2??? bkt kya???! baliiiiiiiw.. nweiz.. aun knina super election!. as usual same faces.. ndi n km nligwak s position.. :o msta nmn un.. prng ang unfair xe an dmi nmn mgka2klsm8 dun dt.. kya un kmi2 p dn.. baaaad!.

first week of classes..

first day.. first subject.. super NIPPONGO.. hajimemashite?? watashi wa lhai to moushimasu donzo yoroshiko.. :) tma b?? grabe nosebleed!. as usual.. introduce urself.. :) wats new?? aun chuvang panguuto n2mn km xe bkt dw nmn pinili ung delos santos?? aun s ibng subject woooooow... super assignment at report km.. kpgoooood.. :/ ndi aq mkpniwlang gn2 q kbusy.. lol.. :)

woman are difficult dw oh..

If you kiss her,

you are not a gentleman

If you don't,

you are not a man

If you praise her,

she thinks you are lying

If you don't,

you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes,

you are a wimp

If you don't,

you are not understanding

If you visit her often,

she thinks you are boring

If you don't,

she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, s

he says you are a playboy I

f you don't,

you are a dull boy

If you are jealous,

she says it's bad

If you don't,

she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance,

she says you didn't respect her

If you don't,

she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late,

she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late,

she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man,

you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman,

"oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while,

she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often,

she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street,

you lack ethics

If you do,

she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman,

she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men,

she says that they are just admiring

If you talk,

she wants you to listen

If you listen,

she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple,

yet so complex

So weak,

yet so powerful

So confusing,

yet so desirable

So damning,

yet so wonderful...

....WOMEN!

+++

waaaaaaaaat?? read dz oh..

girls 22o b 2??? lol..

so strenuous.!

happy aniversary to my lovely tita nd tito.. =) i really had no plan of goin' out when my cousin textd me and reminds me of her parents anniversary.. so i psych myself up nd depart.. aun.. la msyadong bisita.. kmi2 ln dn.. super magicsing kmi ni diane pt ng mom nia.. asar nga ung score eh.. lng "52" msta nmn un.. haha.. tpos kinanta q ung cant fight the moonlight aun.. ng92 nmn xa awa ng diyos.. aun super bonding.. super tangkad niang pinsan qng yn.. 5'7 xa at take note 16 lng xa.. feeling q nga ndi aq 18 pg mgk2sama km eh.. prng 12 lng ata aq.. lol..

bt kya an laki ng mukha??. haha.. asar! msta nmn ang pisngi.. =o guldpissssssssssh..

thn un.. snundo aq ng dadi q around 7 kc mgccmba p km.. 8 kc ung mass s chapel n katapat ng bahay nmn.. an layo nooooooh.. anticipated ung mass kc kya saturday.. aun.. nung nandon n q nkta q agad ung pgmumukha ng kinakapatid qo.. aun dun n q ngstay sknla hngng mtapos ung mass.. nandn dn pl c joma nd kevin.. super bata p niang mga yn.. pro naka pg mga ngusap2 cl prng my mga 30 anyos n.. lol.. pro ayos lng dn..

pagkauwi q aun super text na2mn.. mgsusun n q ult km ng mga clsm8 q s pasukan.. lol.. pra tawag nlng k2tmad n mgtext eh.. prng ayaw nmn mgkalayo2.. pg ngsmart ung isa lhat km ngs2mart.. aun.. planado ng sun n tlga km s pasukan.. haha awa ng diyos an lakas n ng signal d2 smn.. dti kc kht lumabas p q ng bahai wla aqng mktang signal.. mgkaron mn mga 2 min bglang nwa2la.. ngaun kht nsa room n q mron p dn.. super hapiiiii.. ai nku kc nmn eh..

weeeeeeeeeeeeew..

hAppy birthdAy..

JEROME ROSS LATUGA!. :)

dalaga n.. este binata n.. =) piz.. a mish u..

survey frm crissandra..

1. What is more difficult for you,looking into someones eyes when youare telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when theyare telling you how they feel?

[*]looking into someones eyes when telling sm1 how i feel.. dnt even know how to articulate as it should be.. aww.. bsta an hrap 2mingin s mata ng tao lalo n qng d mo alm qng pno k mgsa2lita.. =o

2. Think of the last time you wereREALLY angry. WHY were you angry?

[*] angry?? hmm.. when my X lay blame on me!. super aq ung cncc nia s lhat2 ng kalokohan ña.. bsta nka2asaaaaaar! hngng ngaun super naaasar prn aq dun s guy n un.. super cncraan aq.. knowing n LALAKE xa.. duhh.. heckler!.

3. You are on a flight from Honoluluto Chicago non-stop. There is a firein the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

[*]parents.. super paalam.. tell them dt i love them soooo much.. sbgai lm n nl un.. =o

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you are going to die

a.Do you tell anyone/everyone youare going to die?

[*] no.. uqo n kaawaan aq.. sk pra d rn mbago ung treatment nl skn.. uqo dn cl mktang ngaala2 sk mlungkot.. sbgai msaia dn ung special un mga gngwa nl dvah??=)

b.What do you do with your remaining days?

[*] enjoy life togethr with my loved ones.. tell them how much i loved them nd how precious they r.. hmmm.. help people in my most simple way..

c.Would you be afraid?

[*] yup.. sympre.. la aq ksma eh.. =o lol.. sk bk qng san aq mpad2.. :hh:

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love. Which do you choose?

[*] TRUST.. love cn b given to everyone.. bt trust??? nman!. an hirap igain kya klangn tlga iacquire.. nd u cnt love sm1 u dnt trust..

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side ofthe street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save the dog?

[*] oo nmn.. dog lover aq no.. sk kht dog lng un my buhay prn un.. pde nmn aq mghnap ng work ult.. hmf!.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

[*] nyaikzz.. yup.. im not used on doin' things without any grounds. il ask for absolution. but still we must accept d fact that we both had our own imperfection.

8. Your best friend confesses thathe/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling inlove with you. What do you do/say?

[*] wahaha.. actually ung first love q bestfriend q xa muna bago ngng km.. hmm.. 1 year and 9 months dn km nun.. la nmn cgrong problem qng friends mna kau db.. ms mganda p nga un xe kla2 nio n ung isa't isa.. pro dpende p dn xmpwe qng feel q ung friend qng un..

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. do you do it?

[*] ouchhh.. d q ata kya un.. pro if ever cguro c lola qo.. kc alam qng nami2ss n xa ng mama q sk ng mga tita q sk nung mga pinsan qo.. aun.. one year b tlga ung klangn?? pde b 1 week nlng.. =)

10. If your ex ask you for a second chance, would you grant it?

[*] nooooo.. kc prng wla n ung TRUST eh.. kya ndi n dn mgwo2rk ng maauz.. pro qng pa2kita nia ung super effort nia at mka2pagantay ng mtagl.. d cgro.. =) ai nko.. kontra2 mga sagot qo..

solicitous and invigorating :)

meet my suuuuuuuper pzawai n partner.. in evrythn'.. yn mga picture nmn n maaauz.. lol.. i just miss hm.. nameet q xa s close friend qo.. classmates cla nung highschool.. aun.. hmm.. ngpunta cl s house.. then un.. nktxt q xa.. dt was may2005.. ngng km ng september 01, 05.. 4th year aq non.. cnusundo nia q s skul.. ngstop xa non.. ewn q b qng bkt.. pg tntnong xa ng mga brkada nmn.. sb nia.. "inantay q xa eh pra sbai km mgcollege.." waaaaaaah an korni.. nung pxukan n lg km mgksma.. haleeeeeeeer mgclsm8 km.. bilang n bilang tlga ung hndi km mgkasabai pmasok o ano.. aun.. pg bkasyon.. ngpu2nta xa s hauz pro madalang.. aun.. lapit n km mg2 years.. msta nmn un?!. dmi n nmn npgdaanan ñan.. kht anung kalokohan q ndi ña q ngwang iwan.. xa p lgng gmgwa ng praan pra maauz ung mga problema nmn.. =) super swerte q dyn.. mdyo mypagkaabnormal ln.. lol.. ndi nmn dn my time lng n mhigpit xa.. pro ngaun ok n nmn.. mdyo nlng.. =) pro ms gs2 q n nmn un kesa wlang pki qng anu mn gngwa qo.. aun.. kya dn cgro ndi aq n22ng mgbisyo dhl skña.. haha.. nka2hiya nmn qng aq p mguudyok skña uminom o mgsmoke db?? nyaikz.. ala ln.. d nmn 3p uminom at manigarilyo.. lol.. kain ln.. super kain.. aun.. nung tym n ngkproblema km.. ung mga friends p nmn ung ngaauz smn.. i mean.. nanghihinayang dw cl xe an tagal n nmn.. tpos d n dw cl sanay n ndi km mgksma.. msta nmn.. nung exam nga nmn absent xa.. tpos tnitigan aq nung isa qng kbrkada.. sb q bkt.. lm mu b cngot.. "la lng d lng aq sanay n my dala kng bag.. nsan c paul?!" haha.. xe dala ña lg gmit q.. =) aun.. eh nung tym n un mgkaaway km.. sb p ng mama q skn.. "ang relasyon iniingatan yn.. ndi pg ngkproblema break ng break.." super lecture..

bt now.. we're trying to put things in their proper locality.. =) masaya n km n ok km.. nd goin' stonger..

taiteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!

inayn.. ala n2mn aqng mgwa.. k2tpos lng nmn mgcoffee ng dadi q s figaro.. =0
i miz my long long hair.. =( auz ln an haba nga rw humaba ng hair q sb ni mama..

aun.. tpos nglinis aq ng room q.. an dmi q plng gamit n nkalgai lng s box.. aun nilinis q.. including this sandals.. gnamit q yn nung junior prom.. 2inch lng nmn yn.. =) klangn eh.. ndi kc q nabiyayaan ng height.. msta nmn un! yung block n yn.. bigay ni nay amel nung debut q.. d q alm qng san q lalagay eh.. bk bmagsak.. kya aun nkbox p dn.. =o

***

wla n ata aqng gnwa buong arw kundi mgtxt.. mgnet.. kmain.. m2log.. hmm.. mnsan ln nmn aq lmbas.. aaaaaaaaaaaww.. buti nlng tlga mlapit ng mgpasukan.. sayang nga lng kulang2 n tlga km.. hai nku klangn paulit ulit ulit.. eh xe nmn kc eh.. lol.. pro ka2excite dn.. xmpwe new friends.. kso my ayw tlga qng mkta.. npakacnungaling nung bumbay n un! nka2ines qng anu2 cnsbi.. ohmaygad!=) my share aq sainyo.. text ni ate april skn.. la lng.. im sure maraming maka2relate.. =o

4 every person who doesnt like you
dr r twice as many who does..
so why should you care about
those who dont?
you can never please everybody anyway..
if ur being true to yourself
and that still isnt enough 4 them..
then what's left for you to do.. is..
NOTHING
just hope that someday
they'll learn to see you
in different light
and embrace
who you really is..